someone owes me an orgasm
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
soo... how was my night?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
