its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
