his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
