You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
