hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
