I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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