So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Randomize
