Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
