There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Green mimosas i think yes
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
