she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
