She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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