I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
