She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
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