I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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