I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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