like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
