what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
