Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
