It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
