i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
