So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
