I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I've blown a few things in my day
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
