I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
