I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
