walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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