Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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