ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
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