guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
