Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
