u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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