I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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