My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize