the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize