3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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