RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
