i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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