Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
