these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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