Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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