i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
