My sheets look like a crime scene.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize