My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
