Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
