You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
