everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
