So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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