I CAN MOONWALK!
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I AM VODKA MAN
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
