all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
