The maid of honor just puked.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
only you would photoshop your dick
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
