My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
