mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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