I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
