Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
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