He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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