I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
