She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I wear drunk well.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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