he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
jump out the window naked night went bad
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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