I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
