What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
God gave him joint rollers for hands
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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