i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
never play flip cup with pint glasses
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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