Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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