M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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