Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize