I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Still dying that you shit outside
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
