conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
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