all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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