I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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