You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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