Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
