my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
