Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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