She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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