I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
