Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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