so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Randomize
