You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
