I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize