Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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