meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
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