Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize