Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
