wakey wakey hands off snakey
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
So much rum. So many feels.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize