They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
