True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
