he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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