Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
