Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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